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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Timeless Masterpiece Liked

SANTA CLARA, CA—City Lights, the eternal Charlie Chaplin classic heralded by film scholars as a poignant and seminal work of 20th-century comic realism, was reportedly enjoyed by 24-year-old web designer Ross Strickland Tuesday. "Nice," Strickland said as the credits rolled on Chaplin's magnum opus, a masterpiece of American cinema that was decades ahead of its time and whose themes of civic duty, compassion for the disabled, and honesty in business are just as relevant now as they were in 1931. "I liked it." Strickland later added that he found the silent feature's groundbreaking ending, which was meticulously choreographed by Chaplin in one of the greatest achievements of the filmmaker's 75-year career, "good."

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