Tiny Ben Carson Tugs At Debate Moderator’s Pant Leg

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Election 2016

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Tiny Ben Carson Tugs At Debate Moderator’s Pant Leg

‘Hey! Down Here!’ Candidate Says

HOUSTON—In an effort to get the attention of the event’s moderator, a tiny Ben Carson reportedly waved his little arms and tugged at CNN political anchor Wolf Blitzer’s pant leg during Thursday night’s GOP debate. “Hey, look down here! It’s me, Ben Carson,” said the 6-inch-tall presidential candidate, bending over at the waist to catch his breath after frantically jumping up and down and pulling with all of his heart on the fabric around Blitzer’s ankle. “Wolf! Wolf! Down here! Come on, ask me a question too.” At press time, sources confirmed the squeaky, muffled voice of tiny Ben Carson could be heard mumbling about defunding Planned Parenthood from inside Blitzer’s coat pocket.

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