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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Tip Of Area Man’s Tongue Refuses To Relinquish Richard Crenna’s Name

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Despite the best efforts of area resident Guy Reid, the tip of Reid’s tongue remained steadfast Tuesday in its refusal to relinquish the name of veteran film and television actor Richard Crenna. “It’s driving me crazy, it’s right on the tip of my tongue,” Reid, 29, said. “I can totally picture him—he’s been in a whole bunch of stuff. He played that one commander guy in the Rambo movies, and I’m almost positive he was also in that movie with Matt Dillon where they’re at the beach club. Robert... Raymond... Damn!” It is not known whether Reid’s tongue will relinquish the name any time soon. The tongue has previously withheld the names Hector Elizondo, Mark Linn-Baker and Ben Gazzara.

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