Tips For Dating In The Current Market

Top Headlines

Recent News

What It Costs To Host The Olympic Games

Boston announced this week it will pull its bid for the 2024 Olympics, due in part to the huge costs associated with the games that could become a taxpayer burden. Here is a breakdown of what the Olympics cost their host cities:

Resolute Congress Passes Second Amendment Again

WASHINGTON—Easily securing the requisite two-thirds majorities in the House and Senate, a resolute United States Congress responded to the ongoing national debate on gun rights Tuesday by passing the Second Amendment again.

The Life And Works Of Dr. Seuss

A 50-year-old manuscript by the late Theodor Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, is being released this week, captivating nostalgic readers who grew up on seven decades of children’s books from the prolific author. Here are some highlights from Dr. Seuss’ life and work
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Preparedness

  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Tips For Dating In The Current Market

If you're single, there's never been a better time to look for someone special. Dating standards are at record lows, which means it's a daters market! Here are a few tips on how to meet a romantic partner with the new lower dating standards:

1) Go up to anyone, wherever you are, whatever they look like, and introduce yourself. When standards were higher, daters were forced to assess whether a potential partner was “good enough” for them, but those days are gone.

2) Strike up a conversation. If the person doesn't speak English or speak at all, try to listen to his or her body language.

3) Find something you two have in common. Even if it's just that you both breathe, talk about that.

4) Start to flirt. If you're not quite ready to make physical contact with this person because he or she's twitching uncontrollably or covered in scabs, just flash him or her a coy smile.

5) Make up an excuse to meet up again. Tell your potential mate that you have to go to a parole meeting next Tuesday, too, or that you’ll be at the methadone Thursday as well.

7) Dress for success. Or don't, because it doesn't matter now that the standards have been lowered. Wear your sweats out to dinner if you want because it’s possible your date will be wearing a t-shirt and no bottoms.

8) Have an open mind. Remember, there are no “deal breakers” anymore. If your new partner has an elementary school education, an STD, a penchant for lying, or a collection of pet scorpions, remember it’s our differences that make us all special.

Good luck out there and let the romance begin!