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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Tips For Dating In The Current Market

If you're single, there's never been a better time to look for someone special. Dating standards are at record lows, which means it's a daters market! Here are a few tips on how to meet a romantic partner with the new lower dating standards:

1) Go up to anyone, wherever you are, whatever they look like, and introduce yourself. When standards were higher, daters were forced to assess whether a potential partner was “good enough” for them, but those days are gone.

2) Strike up a conversation. If the person doesn't speak English or speak at all, try to listen to his or her body language.

3) Find something you two have in common. Even if it's just that you both breathe, talk about that.

4) Start to flirt. If you're not quite ready to make physical contact with this person because he or she's twitching uncontrollably or covered in scabs, just flash him or her a coy smile.

5) Make up an excuse to meet up again. Tell your potential mate that you have to go to a parole meeting next Tuesday, too, or that you’ll be at the methadone Thursday as well.

7) Dress for success. Or don't, because it doesn't matter now that the standards have been lowered. Wear your sweats out to dinner if you want because it’s possible your date will be wearing a t-shirt and no bottoms.

8) Have an open mind. Remember, there are no “deal breakers” anymore. If your new partner has an elementary school education, an STD, a penchant for lying, or a collection of pet scorpions, remember it’s our differences that make us all special.

Good luck out there and let the romance begin!

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