Tired Twins Ask If They Can Stop Swinging Bat All The Way Around

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Vol 48 Issue 24

U.S. Improves Infrastructure With Transnational Power Strip

WASHINGTON—In a sweeping effort aimed at overhauling the nation's aging infrastructure, the United States on Sunday unveiled a 3,000-mile transnational power strip, which officials said would provide Americans with 126 billion new electrical outlets...

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National Geographic 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 9.m. CST Ted buys some balsa wood that's on special; Amy skims instructions on how to can food; Nate's guessed his covered swimming pool would shelter his family from the more lethal parts of nuclear fallout.
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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Tired Twins Ask If They Can Stop Swinging Bat All The Way Around

MINNEAPOLIS—Exhausted from months of trying, to little avail, to hit the ball, the last-place Minnesota Twins gathered around manager Ron Gardenhire in the clubhouse Friday afternoon to ask if they could be allowed to stop swinging their bats all the way around. "We can just do the one where you hold your bat out there halfway with both hands and see if the ball hits it," suggested second baseman Alexi Casilla, who lately has been swinging all the way through a full 360 degrees but has yet to hit a home run this season. "Or we can just go up there and do nothing. Sometimes they let you go to first base if you just stand there for a while as the balls go by. That sounds like a good strategy to me." The Twins also asked if they could discontinue running toward batted balls to field them, saying that if everyone just waits around long enough with their gloves out, eventually the ball is bound to fall into one of them.

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