Titans Players Evenly Divided Amongst Bud Adams’ Next Of Kin

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 43

Call Now! 

This obituary space could be yours! Call or email this publication for rate and availability information.

The Walking Dead

AMC 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT In the eagerly anticipated conclusion to last season’s heart-stopping cliffhanger, an obscured shape staggering toward the characters in the midst of an orchestral swell turns out to be a zombie.

Kim Jong-Un Receives Honorary Doctorate

A university in Malaysia conferred an honorary doctorate in economics on North Korea’s dictator Kim Jong-un, saying that the 30-year-old leader “makes untiring efforts for the education of the country and the well-being of its people.” W...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Business

Titans Players Evenly Divided Amongst Bud Adams’ Next Of Kin

NASHVILLE, TN—Following last week’s death of Titans owner Bud Adams, the long-tenured executive’s next of kin have reportedly spent the past several days dividing up the team’s players in accordance with the wishes in the late owner’s last will and testament. “It’s been tough because most of them are pretty much worthless, but some at least have a little sentimental value,” said Susan Adams, one of the former owner’s two daughters who hoped her children would get some use out of Jake Locker. “You tell yourself they’re just things and you won’t let it cause problems, but then suddenly everyone is fighting over running back Chris Johnson.” While the majority of Titans had been distributed to Adams’ family and a few prized veterans were donated to local museums, punter Brett Kern was reportedly still sitting in a storage locker waiting to be claimed.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More