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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Titans Require Steve McNair To Pass Notary-Public Exam Before Returning To Team

NASHVILLE, TN—Titans general manager Floyd Reese announced Tuesday that, upon returning to the team's practice facility, Steve McNair would be required to meet with trainers to assess the condition of his torn pectoral muscle, take a standard NFL physical, meet with the head office concerning his contract, and take and pass the Tennessee State Notary Public exam. "It came to our attention that Steve failed his exit physical after last season, and we believe his inability to perform on the field could hurt the team just as much as his inability to settle grievances with Titans management or his current inability to officially witness or authenticate vital public documents," Reese said, refusing to acknowledge insinuations that he or the Titans were being unusually harsh to the veteran quarterback. "For the kind of money we're paying Steve, we think we have a right to expect an effective leader on the field and a certified notary public the rest of the time." McNair would not respond to Reese's requirements, saying only that studying for the team-mandated realtor's exam was taking up all his time this offseason.

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