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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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T.J. Houshmandzadeh Enjoys Ordering "The Houshmandzadeh" Just To See What Waiter Brings

CINCINNATI—Sitting at an Italian eatery with a plate full of Houshmandzadeh (ravioli verde stuffed with prosciutto and mushroom and topped with a light Alfredo sauce), Bengals wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh told reporters Wednesday that he often orders his last name at different restaurants to see what dish the waiter brings to his table. "I love the Houshmandzadeh at sushi places, because fried conger eel and nori seaweed really hits the spot," said Houshmandzadeh, who later recommended diners try the Houshmandzadeh at Lebanese restaurants, but with baba ghanoush instead of hummus. "I will say the only time I ever regretted ordering it was at a Mexican place, as the prawns were spicier than I thought they would be." At press time, Houshmandzadeh was at a Cincinnati Dairy Queen eating a butterscotch Blizzard with Kit Kat bars mixed in.

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