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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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T.J. Houshmandzadeh Enjoys Ordering "The Houshmandzadeh" Just To See What Waiter Brings

CINCINNATI—Sitting at an Italian eatery with a plate full of Houshmandzadeh (ravioli verde stuffed with prosciutto and mushroom and topped with a light Alfredo sauce), Bengals wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh told reporters Wednesday that he often orders his last name at different restaurants to see what dish the waiter brings to his table. "I love the Houshmandzadeh at sushi places, because fried conger eel and nori seaweed really hits the spot," said Houshmandzadeh, who later recommended diners try the Houshmandzadeh at Lebanese restaurants, but with baba ghanoush instead of hummus. "I will say the only time I ever regretted ordering it was at a Mexican place, as the prawns were spicier than I thought they would be." At press time, Houshmandzadeh was at a Cincinnati Dairy Queen eating a butterscotch Blizzard with Kit Kat bars mixed in.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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