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T.O. In Dallas: The Next Michael Irvin Or The Next Michael Irvin?

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Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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T.O. In Dallas: The Next Michael Irvin Or The Next Michael Irvin?

DALLAS—While Cowboys fans are hailing talented, physically dominant wide receiver Terrell Owens' debut in Dallas as the coming of a new Michael Irvin, football analysts are warning that the flamboyant, outspoken locker-room distraction may instead turn out to be another Michael Irvin. "You've got to respect the talent of a player who, much like Michael Irvin before him, can't be kept out of the end zone and changes the way the game is played at his position," said Rick Gosselin, who covered Irvin's career as an eager sports columnist and reluctant police-beat reporter for the Dallas Morning News. "But no one has any respect for a big-mouthed Michael Irvin-style player who can't keep his name out of the papers and changes the way people think of the Cowboys." Former Dallas quarterback Troy Aikman, who played with Irvin in three Super Bowls, has publicly expressed belief in Owens' ability to equal at least one of Irvin's legacies, but added that no one would know until Owens lies motionless on the turf with a career-ending spinal-cord injury.

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