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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Toad On The Road!

Last year we strapped the Toad down to the back of a flatbed truck and brought him all over America, and it went so well (lawsuits pending) that we decided to truck him back out! See if he's stopping by a town near YOU!

Lubbock, Texas - The Toad's gonna roll into town and get thrown in the Lubbock Freak's own dunk tank! Even if you do hit the nozzle, His Greenness may whip out the old Levitating Toad trick!

Peoria, Illinois - Still not legal for the Toad to set foot in Illinois, but what are they going to do, stop him? He's a force of nature!

Felton, California - Watch as the Toad communes with nature! The Toad can talk to trees and feel their life force and their energy...maybe they'll know if the Giants can repeat this year!

Utica, New York - Tick Tock! The Toad knows when every athlete's going to die and he'll reveal the death dates of three major sports stars in old Utica. Hint: Albert Pujols is one of them!

Baton Rouge, Louisiana - It's Toad Days in old LA, and they really go all out. Parades, naked women feeding the Toad fish-heads with their teeth, and animal sacrifice. They worship him as a god and he deserves every minute of it!

Las Vegas, Nevada - The Toad is opening up a new OSN casino, called In The Zone! The Toad loves opening casinos, despite last year's dog-killing incident.

Los Angeles, California - Ante up, Toad fans: the Toad is playing a private show at Bruce Willis's estate! Toad predicted Demi/Ashton and how poorly Red would do, so the sparks my fly.

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