MADISON, WI—Saying that he is constantly offering words of encouragement and various pointers on maintaining a proper stance, sources confirmed Tuesday that no one at Damen’s Sports Complex appears to know a middle-aged man leaning against the batting cages giving people hitting advice.
DENVER—Shortly after being selected in the second round of a local online fantasy-baseball draft, Rockies All-Star first-baseman Todd Helton announced Monday that he would much rather play for "any of the other 11 teams in the league." "I've played for this guy in the past, and he has no idea how to manage his team, and often loses interest and stops competing after just a couple months," Helton said, referring to Mets 4 Life owner and Trenton-area pizza-delivery man Ryan Sheehy. "Last season, I got off to a bit of a slow start, and the guy benches me the rest of the year in favor of Doug Mientkiewicz. I lose enough as a member of the Rockies. I just wish I could play for a capable manager like [The Damon Connection's] Mike Broberg or [Smilin' Joe Randa's] Garrett Baldwin." Helton added that, if it were worth the effort to find a way to contact Sheehy, he would demand a trade.