MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Tom Brady To Learn Receivers' Names By End Of Month

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Saying that "he can barely keep track of all those guys," New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady promised yesterday that, by the end of the month, he will have learned all the names of his ever-changing receiving corps. "No. 10 [Jabar Gaffney] runs a pretty good out pattern and No. 87, Rick something [Reche Caldwell], he seems like a real nice guy," Brady said when was asked how he was dealing with the departures of wide receivers Deion Branch and David Givens. "Truthfully, the great thing about this offense—and this whole team, really—is that people don't have to know anybody's name in order for things to go smoothly. In fact, Coach [Bill] Belichick encourages us not to get too attached to one another." Brady added that the last time he took the time to learn the name of one of his receivers, he was gone the following day.

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