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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Tom Clancy Really Happy With How Latest Video Game With His Name On It Came Out

BALTIMORE—New York Times–bestselling author and noted putter-of-his-name-on-things Tom Clancy announced Monday that he is pleased with how Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Black Ops came out.

"I was a little worried at first that this game wouldn't meet my high standards, but it turned out that the licensing agreement looked great, the check cleared fine, and the packaging featured my name in really large, embossed type," Clancy said. "I'd like to congratulate whoever's responsible for yet another Tom Clancy job well done."

The author added that he is already excited about the team working on his next project, Tom Clancy's Renegade Sub Command, a military-techno thriller that will finance his next six trips to the Bahamas.

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