adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tom Clancy Really Happy With How Latest Video Game With His Name On It Came Out

BALTIMORE—New York Times–bestselling author and noted putter-of-his-name-on-things Tom Clancy announced Monday that he is pleased with how Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Black Ops came out.

"I was a little worried at first that this game wouldn't meet my high standards, but it turned out that the licensing agreement looked great, the check cleared fine, and the packaging featured my name in really large, embossed type," Clancy said. "I'd like to congratulate whoever's responsible for yet another Tom Clancy job well done."

The author added that he is already excited about the team working on his next project, Tom Clancy's Renegade Sub Command, a military-techno thriller that will finance his next six trips to the Bahamas.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close