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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Tom Clancy Really Happy With How Latest Video Game With His Name On It Came Out

BALTIMORE—New York Times–bestselling author and noted putter-of-his-name-on-things Tom Clancy announced Monday that he is pleased with how Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Black Ops came out.

"I was a little worried at first that this game wouldn't meet my high standards, but it turned out that the licensing agreement looked great, the check cleared fine, and the packaging featured my name in really large, embossed type," Clancy said. "I'd like to congratulate whoever's responsible for yet another Tom Clancy job well done."

The author added that he is already excited about the team working on his next project, Tom Clancy's Renegade Sub Command, a military-techno thriller that will finance his next six trips to the Bahamas.

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