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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Tom Coughlin Moves Up Ahmad Bradshaw On Team's Death Chart

NEW YORK—Giants coach Tom Coughlin listed Ahmad Bradshaw at the top of the team's death chart Tuesday, claiming that if the running back continued to miss blocking assignments and drop screen passes, he would face certain execution by opening day. "From what I've seen so far in camp, Ahmad has been messing up on all the little things that infuriate me," said Coughlin, adding that Bradshaw's consistency at practice earned him the top spot on the death chart ahead of linebacker Antonio Pierce, who has recently struggled with legal troubles. "He's really left a lasting impression on me, and if he keeps it up, he'll definitely be the guy that the other players are gunning for." Coughlin reportedly allowed Bradshaw to take the morning off from Wednesday's practice to say goodbye to loved ones and finish digging his grave.

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