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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Tom Coughlin Moves Up Ahmad Bradshaw On Team's Death Chart

NEW YORK—Giants coach Tom Coughlin listed Ahmad Bradshaw at the top of the team's death chart Tuesday, claiming that if the running back continued to miss blocking assignments and drop screen passes, he would face certain execution by opening day. "From what I've seen so far in camp, Ahmad has been messing up on all the little things that infuriate me," said Coughlin, adding that Bradshaw's consistency at practice earned him the top spot on the death chart ahead of linebacker Antonio Pierce, who has recently struggled with legal troubles. "He's really left a lasting impression on me, and if he keeps it up, he'll definitely be the guy that the other players are gunning for." Coughlin reportedly allowed Bradshaw to take the morning off from Wednesday's practice to say goodbye to loved ones and finish digging his grave.

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