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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Tom Coughlin Scores 2 Touchdowns In Season-Ending Speech To Giants Defense

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Following the Giants' embarrassing 44-7 loss to the Vikings, 63-year-old head coach Tom Coughlin further manhandled the Giants defense Sunday, scoring two more touchdowns against them during the eight minutes of his season-ending speech. "In the end, Coach [Coughlin] just got the better of us," said defensive end Justin Tuck, who was later caught flat-footed by several reporters who added another touchdown during Tuck's postgame press conference. "He exploited our weaknesses, and we just couldn't stop him. I guess he just wanted it more than we did." Tuck later blamed a porous Giants defense for allowing play-by-play man Bob Papa and color commentator Carl Banks to score two more touchdowns and a field goal during their postgame remarks.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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