Tom Glavine Ominously Announces He Will Be Last 300-Game Winner

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Vol 43 Issue 52

Fantasy Draft Preparation - Ep. 1

Fantasy coach Brad Blevins meets with NFL star Matt Forte in preparation for what Brad hopes will be his team’s first ever championship season.

All-Time Greatest Upsets

Stanford's defeat of top-ranked USC is merely the latest upset in a season that has already held more than its share. Onion Sports runs down some...
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Tom Glavine Ominously Announces He Will Be Last 300-Game Winner

CHICAGO—Moments after the last out in his historic 300th pitching win, Mets ace Tom Glavine silenced a crowd of well-wishers by announcing in a cold, emotionless voice that he would be the last ever to win 300 games. "Make no mistake, after me, there will be no one else to win this many games as a pitcher. Ever," said Glavine in tones that froze the blood of all who heard it. "Randy Johnson will not recover from his injuries. [Mike] Mussina will not play, and perhaps not live, long enough. And C.C. Sabathia, I beg you—you are so young, with so much to live for. Do not dance with the devil by attempting to win 300 games now that Glavine has done so." Upon hearing Glavine's chilling declaration, top pitchers Andy Pettite, Barry Zito, and Tim Hudson announced they would retire at the end of the season.

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