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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Tom Glavine Uses Pitching Metaphors To Explain Hitting

PORT ST. LUCIE, FL—All-Star slugger and batting instructor David Wright failed to show up to a youth baseball clinic last Monday, forcing New York Mets pitcher Tom Glavine to use pitching metaphors while teaching hitting to the youngsters. "When you're in there toeing the rubber, a lot of times you'll want to give it the gas, but sometimes it's best to change it up," Glavine said while demonstrating a bunt down the third-base line. "But no matter what, approach every start like it's your last. Imagine it's the bottom of the ninth, 3-2 count, and you've got to get a strikeout if you want to win." Meanwhile, Wright, who was reportedly at another location wondering where Glavine was, told the pitchers at his clinic that their success will ultimately hinge on their ability to deliver hard line drives unless they are truly confident enough in their "stuff" to locate soft bloopers.

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