Tommy Lee Jones Tells Jimmy Fallon He Doesn't Want To Play Any Of His Little Fucking Games

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Vol 48 Issue 39

The Science Of Sex

Discovery 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Scientists take an up-close look at what attracts us to each other and why, using clinical words for stuff like “cock” and “fucking.”

Tragic Accident Kills Aspiring Living Person

BOISE, ID—According to friends and family, the automobile accident that claimed the life of area youth Evan Laskin this week tragically cut short the prospects of a talented 18-year-old who had aspired his whole life to be a living person. Those clo...

Voting Begins In Iowa

More than a month before Election Day, residents of key swing state Iowa began casting their ballots at designated polling locations yesterday as part of the state’s early voting process.

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California Legalizes Self-Driving Cars

Following heavy lobbying pressure from Google, which has already developed its own fleet of self-driving vehicles, California became the third state in the nation to legalize the use of driverless cars on its roadways.
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Tommy Lee Jones Tells Jimmy Fallon He Doesn't Want To Play Any Of His Little Fucking Games

NEW YORK—Prior to his appearance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon last week, actor Tommy Lee Jones informed the host that he had no intention of playing “any of [his] little fucking games,” according to sources at NBC. “Listen here, Howdy Doody, I’m not putting on a wig, I’m not doing your skits, I’m not reading any Mötley Crüe lyrics, and I’m sure as shit not singing the Men In Black song with your goddamn band,” said the Oscar winner, who was on the show to promote his film Hope Springs. “Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna walk out there, sit down, and tell you an amusing anecdote about my movie. Then you’re gonna roll the clip, thank me, and have a producer walk me to the elevator. That’s it. Nothing else. Zippo. I’m a 66-year-old man, for Christ’s sake. So you and your giddy little writing staff can just calm the fuck down.” Fallon reportedly replied by saying “awesome” eighteen times, and then instructed a production assistant to ensure singer Rickie Lee Jones stayed hidden in her dressing room until her surprise serenade of the similarly named guest.

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