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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Tonight In The Dome: Chris Bosh Left In A Hot Car By His Teammates, The NFL Bombs A Bootleg Merchandise Factory, And The Wish Zone Gives A Paralyzed Kid A Shot At Revenge

Spring training, the NCAA bubble, basketball and hockey's stretch run: the sports world is a whirling vortex and the SportsDome is the only spaceship with the proper magnetic resonance to cut through the high-frequency interference. Hop aboard the Good Ship SportsDome with your captains Alex Reiser and Mark Shepard as they guide you past the black holes and quasars and into the Class M planets hospitable to sports.

Win the space race by tuning in to Onion SportsDome on Tuesday Night at 8/7c on Comedy Central.

The Dome is so overstuffed with sports we might need to move some of it into a storage unit, including:

- All the latest on how Dwyane Wade and LeBron James abandoned poor, trusting teammate Chris Bosh in a hot car without cracking any windows

- Allegations that Jim Calhoun has been guilting recruits into playing for UConn by playing up the fact that he will die very soon

- The ongoing missile strike the NFL is conducting against Cambodian factories fabricating counterfeit merchandise

So sit back, relax and put your sports in the upright position. The Dome is landing on Tuesday at 8pm.

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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