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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Tonight In The Dome: Coverage Of The 2011 Owners Combine, Gary Payton Returns, And A NASCAR Driver Caught Racing With A Prostitute In His Car

Major League Baseball is headed to Florida and Arizona for spring training, and the SportsDome is serving up an Early Bird Special at its NEW TIME of 8/7c.  Alex Reiser and Mark Shepard are grilling up some analysis and restocking the salad bar with fresh-picked sports.  Get in line and grab a chilled plate, because this Dome is All You Can Eat.

Tune in to Onion SportsDome TUESDAY NIGHT at its NEW TIME at 8/7c on Comedy Central.

The latest baseball news isn't the only thing buzzing in the Dome tonight:

- All the legal fallout from the Daytona 500, where driver Taft Myers was pulled over mid-race Sunday and found with a prostitute in his car.

- The richest white men in the country are gathering in Indianapolis for the NFL Owners Combine.

- The NBA Hardwood boys are back for some post-All Star Game analysis, with former NBA superstar Gary Payton and the soul of basketball inventor Dr. James Naismith trapped in a turn-of-the-century music box.

The SportsDome's not waiting around.  Dome early and Dome often Tuesday night at 8.

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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