Tonight In The Dome: Coverage Of The 2011 Owners Combine, Gary Payton Returns, And A NASCAR Driver Caught Racing With A Prostitute In His Car

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Vol 47 Issue 08

CynGen Press Release

CynGen released this statement in response to public outcry over a screaming cob of genetically modified corn.

U-Say Responses To Tillis' Resignation

Our inbox has been flooded with emails of support for Tillis following his decision to step down. "God bless you,Tillis. Best of luck in all your drinking." --Jacob E., Franklin, KY "My friends and I will pour a bottle of gin on the sidew...

Upcoming SIURT Reports

Don't miss these upcoming reports by the Onion News Network Special Investigative Undercover Response Team: We all assume there are precautions in place to prevent restaurant employees from masturbating into our food, but is this actually the case? SIURT ...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Tonight In The Dome: Coverage Of The 2011 Owners Combine, Gary Payton Returns, And A NASCAR Driver Caught Racing With A Prostitute In His Car

Major League Baseball is headed to Florida and Arizona for spring training, and the SportsDome is serving up an Early Bird Special at its NEW TIME of 8/7c.  Alex Reiser and Mark Shepard are grilling up some analysis and restocking the salad bar with fresh-picked sports.  Get in line and grab a chilled plate, because this Dome is All You Can Eat.

Tune in to Onion SportsDome TUESDAY NIGHT at its NEW TIME at 8/7c on Comedy Central.

The latest baseball news isn't the only thing buzzing in the Dome tonight:

- All the legal fallout from the Daytona 500, where driver Taft Myers was pulled over mid-race Sunday and found with a prostitute in his car.

- The richest white men in the country are gathering in Indianapolis for the NFL Owners Combine.

- The NBA Hardwood boys are back for some post-All Star Game analysis, with former NBA superstar Gary Payton and the soul of basketball inventor Dr. James Naismith trapped in a turn-of-the-century music box.

The SportsDome's not waiting around.  Dome early and Dome often Tuesday night at 8.

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