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Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Tonight In The Dome: Latest From The NFL Labor Talks and Tim Duncan's Claim That He Has Had Over 10,00 Platonic Relationships With Women

Spring training, the NFL labor crisis and March Madness are fighting it out in the trenches, and only the Dome has the heavy-duty Sports-Treads you need to blast through enemy lines and make the world safe for sports again. Alex Reiser and Mark Shepard lead the way as the SportsDome rips up the countryside and takes back the Rhineland in the name of sports purity.

Tune into SportsDome on Tuesday night at 8/7c on Comedy Central.

The Dome is scraping Sports off its grill, including:

- An NFL labor negotiations update, with players and owners reaching an agreement to screw over fans, and Commissioner Roger Goodell offering to play a few downs at QB if that would help.

- Widely reviled White Sox catcher AJ Pierzynski in the hospital after several attempted murders, and police are combing through the tens of thousands of suspects who might have had a grudge against him.

- Tim Duncan's new autobiography reveals the Spurs star has had supportive, platonic friendships with 10,000 women in the course of his career.

Everyone loves sports in a foxhole, and you're staring down the barrel of the SportsDome.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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