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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Tonight In The Dome: Raiders Hire Their Next Three Coaches, The NBA Kidnapping Deadline And Vets Rush To Save A Dying Horse's Sperm

Sports news is breaking fast and breaking hard in the Onion SportsDome. Champion thoroughbred Rocky Top broke his leg running the Stapleton Derby, and vets have rushed to the horse's side in an attempt to masturbate him before he dies, so his valuable sperm can still be sold to other breeders and he will not be a total loss to the horse's owners.

Tune in to Onion SportsDome TONIGHT 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central.

It's not just dying horses in the Dome. Mark Shepard and Alex Reiser are all keyed up for another outstanding Dome, including:

- Al Davis on a hiring spree, announcing the next three head coaches who will patrol the Oakland sidelines before being dismissed by Davis without cause.

- The New York Knicks making some big moves at the NBA Kidnapping deadline. Full analysis with the Dome's NBA crew.

- And an everlasting tribute to the power of sports, with the debut of OSN's new OSN Anthem.

The Dome knows only Sports. Get to know it.

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