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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Tonight In The Dome: Shaq To Be Traded And Broken Down For Parts, The Last Word On Super Bowl XLV, And More

If your hair and teeth are falling out and your skin is covered with seeping blisters, you're still dealing with the Super Bowl fallout. The Green Bay Packers are Super Bowl XLV champs, and Mark Shepard and Alex Reiser are setting up a pigskin triage in the SportsDome with all the latest deets on Green Bay's win, the Steelers' bumbling giveaways and reaction from millions of men who look exactly like Mike McCarthy.

Tune in to Onion SportsDome TUESDAY 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central.

It's not just Super Bowl. Here's the rest of what we're working on:

  • Shaquille O'Neal dealt to the Mavericks, who will dissect the big man and distribute his muscles and organs to their starting five.
  • The Baltimore Orioles are looking to bridge the revenue gap in the AL East by turning Camden Yards into a fully-functioning slaughterhouse.
  • Highlights of one man's epic battle against life.

All that and a Sports-Bird stuffed with Super Bowl analysis in the SportsDome.

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