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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Tonight's DNC Program To Be Just 3 Hours Of Osama Bin Laden's Blown-Off Face Projected Onto Screen

CHARLOTTE, NC—According to high-level campaign sources, the second night of the Democratic National Convention will consist solely of three straight hours of the late al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden’s bloody, bullet-mauled face being projected on every screen and monitor in the Time Warner Cable Arena. “From 8 to 11 p.m., we’re going to dim the house lights and show bin Laden’s blown-off face, bloodstained cranial fragments, and exploded brain matter from every conceivable angle—everything from ultra close-ups of his gaping forehead wound to wider shots showing the immense pool of blood pouring from his shattered skull,” said Obama campaign press secretary Ben LaBolt, noting that for the 10 p.m. network television broadcast hour, a massive 60-foot screen in the center of the stadium would be lowered to display a continuous loop of never-before-seen high-definition footage of the terrorist mastermind’s face being ripped apart by bullets. “We can’t think of a better way to finally release these photographs. The slow-zoom portion of the program where the camera essentially goes into bin Laden’s empty eye socket and you can see all the dangling cerebral tissue and nerve endings should be very powerful. It’s going to be a fantastic night!” LaBolt said the images of bin Laden would be introduced by his fourth wife, Siham Saber.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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