adBlockCheck

Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tonight's DNC Program To Be Just 3 Hours Of Osama Bin Laden's Blown-Off Face Projected Onto Screen

CHARLOTTE, NC—According to high-level campaign sources, the second night of the Democratic National Convention will consist solely of three straight hours of the late al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden’s bloody, bullet-mauled face being projected on every screen and monitor in the Time Warner Cable Arena. “From 8 to 11 p.m., we’re going to dim the house lights and show bin Laden’s blown-off face, bloodstained cranial fragments, and exploded brain matter from every conceivable angle—everything from ultra close-ups of his gaping forehead wound to wider shots showing the immense pool of blood pouring from his shattered skull,” said Obama campaign press secretary Ben LaBolt, noting that for the 10 p.m. network television broadcast hour, a massive 60-foot screen in the center of the stadium would be lowered to display a continuous loop of never-before-seen high-definition footage of the terrorist mastermind’s face being ripped apart by bullets. “We can’t think of a better way to finally release these photographs. The slow-zoom portion of the program where the camera essentially goes into bin Laden’s empty eye socket and you can see all the dangling cerebral tissue and nerve endings should be very powerful. It’s going to be a fantastic night!” LaBolt said the images of bin Laden would be introduced by his fourth wife, Siham Saber.

More from this section

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close