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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Tony Dungy Casually Asks Michael Vick If Dogfighting Was Fun

HAMPTON, VIRGINIA—During a preseason conditioning workout Tuesday, Michael Vick's de facto mentor, Tony Dungy, peppered the troubled quarterback with innocent questions about the sport of dogfighting, offhandedly inquiring about how "cool" it is. "So, yeah, how fun was that, anyway, the whole dogfighting thing?" asked Dungy, while the two jogged side-by-side during a cooldown. "Must have been a real rush watching those dogs go at it like that, huh? Morally reprehensible, of course, but, man, it's got to be tempting to head back to the pit and just mix it up a little. Good thing you're not doing that anymore. So bad." Dungy later showed Vick a photo of his new pit bull, Tex, and asked him what he thought.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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