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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Tony Gwynn Mentioned 72 Times During Guided Tour Of Padres Stadium

SAN DIEGO—Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn's name was uttered 72 times and indirectly referenced on another 36 instances during a guided tour of Petco Park, sources reported Tuesday. "There's Tony Gwynn's No. 19 over the center field wall there, and beyond that is the picnic area where countless Padre fans have chanted Tony Gwynn's name or at least thought about Tony Gwynn," said tour guide Hank Classon, adding that Tony Gwynn would have patrolled right field in Petco Park had he not retired three years before it opened. "Our groundskeepers always keeps the pitcher's mound pristine, since that's where we wish to have Padres great Tony Gwynn throw out the first pitch of all our future games. Look, everyone, there's manager Bud Black! Yes, I wish he were Tony Gwynn." Current Padres slugger Adrian Gonzalez was mentioned zero times.

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