adBlockCheck

Sports

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tony Stewart: 'I Can't Believe The Other Drivers Fell For That 'Safety' Crap'

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—2005 Nextel Cup champion Tony Stewart, who consistently preached the importance of safety in the weeks leading up to the Daytona 500 only to be involved in several on-track incidents during the race, said Tuesday he simply couldn't believe that anyone was taken in by his "safety crap." "I mean, come on, this is me we're talking about here," said Stewart, who admitted to purposefully sending Matt Kenseth spinning down the track directly in the path of other drivers while on his way to a fifth-place finish. "Everyone should know I don't give a damn. I knocked Matt out of the way, I took a good run at Jeff Gordon, and if by-God Jay Leno and his pace car had gotten in my way, I'd have wrecked his ass, too." After receiving a reprimand from NASCAR's public-relations department for his comments, Stewart promised he would henceforth conduct himself in a manner befitting a champion, adding only, "Suckers."

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close