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Top 10 Best-Selling Books — Week Of October 23, 2012

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Top 10 Best-Selling Books — Week Of October 23, 2012

This week's 10 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Chris Evans Would Be Good Nicholas Sparks (Grand Central, $12.99) A young man dreams of the simple country girl he left behind and of the actor who might portray him in the film adaptation.
  2. Depressing-Occasion Cakes Martha Stewart (Clarkson Potter, $34.99) From funeral tortes to divorce flans, the best desserts for the worst moments of your life.
  3. Shoving Live Cats Into A Garbage Disposal Ann Coulter (Crown Forum, $29.99) The bestselling author takes a break from politics to tackle a subject near and dear to her heart.
  4. The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge The Onion (Little, Brown, $29.99) With this august volume, The Onion shall strike a mortal blow to ignorance everywhere and shatter any pitiful illusions the world once had about how many copies could be sold.
  5. Keeps Me From Stinkin’ Jeff Foxworthy (Villard, $12.95) The popular comedian and game show host details why he bathes regularly.
  6. Killing Nicole Bill O’Reilly (Henry Holt, $19.99) The O’Reilly Factor host explains how he would have killed O.J. Simpson’s wife had anyone asked him.
  7. Lies Of The Prisoner Patricia Cornwell, James Patterson, and Dean Koontz (Bantam, $28.95) Cornwell, Patterson, and Koontz team up to write the ultimate airport bookstore novel.
  8. The Bible (Penguin, $12.99) A merciful God’s patience is tested by the hijinks of man.
  9. The New Miracle Diet Frank Meriwether, M.D. (Touchstone, $19.95) Dr. Meriwether explains how you can easily lose weight by replacing one meal every day with a cashew-based slurry.
  10. Of Mice And Men And Zebras Tim Showenstal (Quark, $15.99) The John Steinbeck classic gets the zebra treatment in this latest mashup iteration.

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