adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

Top 10 Best-Selling Books — Week Of October 23, 2012

This week's 10 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Chris Evans Would Be Good Nicholas Sparks (Grand Central, $12.99) A young man dreams of the simple country girl he left behind and of the actor who might portray him in the film adaptation.
  2. Depressing-Occasion Cakes Martha Stewart (Clarkson Potter, $34.99) From funeral tortes to divorce flans, the best desserts for the worst moments of your life.
  3. Shoving Live Cats Into A Garbage Disposal Ann Coulter (Crown Forum, $29.99) The bestselling author takes a break from politics to tackle a subject near and dear to her heart.
  4. The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge The Onion (Little, Brown, $29.99) With this august volume, The Onion shall strike a mortal blow to ignorance everywhere and shatter any pitiful illusions the world once had about how many copies could be sold.
  5. Keeps Me From Stinkin’ Jeff Foxworthy (Villard, $12.95) The popular comedian and game show host details why he bathes regularly.
  6. Killing Nicole Bill O’Reilly (Henry Holt, $19.99) The O’Reilly Factor host explains how he would have killed O.J. Simpson’s wife had anyone asked him.
  7. Lies Of The Prisoner Patricia Cornwell, James Patterson, and Dean Koontz (Bantam, $28.95) Cornwell, Patterson, and Koontz team up to write the ultimate airport bookstore novel.
  8. The Bible (Penguin, $12.99) A merciful God’s patience is tested by the hijinks of man.
  9. The New Miracle Diet Frank Meriwether, M.D. (Touchstone, $19.95) Dr. Meriwether explains how you can easily lose weight by replacing one meal every day with a cashew-based slurry.
  10. Of Mice And Men And Zebras Tim Showenstal (Quark, $15.99) The John Steinbeck classic gets the zebra treatment in this latest mashup iteration.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close