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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of August 13, 2013

This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Bloodface Malcolm Gladwell (Back Bay Books, $18.99) The author of The Tipping Point and Outliers tries his hand at psychological thrillers in this novel about a serial killer named Bloodface who terrorizes a quiet suburban town.
  2. There’s A Monster At The End Of This Treatise Grover (Golden Books, $7.99) The popular Sesame Street character provides his thoughts on Western imperialism.
  3. 2013 Alamo Heights High School Yearbook Alamo Heights High School Yearbook Staff (Walsworth Yearbooks, $45) The cutest couple, best dressed, and class clown are finally revealed in this follow-up to the classic 2012 Alamo Heights High School Yearbook.
  4. One Hundred Years Of Coloring Gabriel García Márquez (Harper & Row, $14.95) Márquez’s acclaimed novel finally gets the coloring book treatment, allowing kids aged 2 to 8 to color in major scenes from the multigenerational story of the Buendía family.
  5. Parenting For Kids With ADHD Deb Kennelly (Harper, $20.99) A collection of helpful tips geared toward recent parents who are under 15 and suffer from ADHD.
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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