Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of December 10, 2012

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Vol 48 Issue 50

Fuck Everything, Nation Reports

WASHINGTON—Following the fatal shooting this morning at a Connecticut elementary school that left at least 27 dead, including 20 small children, sources across the nation shook their heads, stifled a sob in their voices, and reported fuck everything...

McDonald's Prints Calorie Count Right Onto Meat

A rare pornographic movie is shot at the Vatican for the first time since 1982's 'Pope Fisters IV,' Taylor Swift is apparently now dating 'Garfield' creator Jim Davis, and Mumford and Sons can't believe they all got each other mandolins for Christmas.
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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of December 10, 2012

This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Stop Thinking, You're Already Right Right Hock Thurbugh (Patriot Press, $34.59) The author issues a rousing call to stop paying attention to real-world facts or reflecting on any alternative opinions that might threaten to upend the notions you already possess and instead just focus on being you.
  2. The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge The Onion (Little, Brown, $29.99) The most essential and authoritative book ever written in the history of human civilization, boasting an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees certain to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer.
  3. Rich Dad Poor Dad Robert T. Kiyosaki (Plata Publishing, $12.99) See which kind yours is.
  4. Math For People Who Hate Numbers Barbara St. Cloud (W.H. Freeman, $114.00) This advanced algebra textbook helps mathematically challenged individuals by doing away with all those complicated-looking digits and formulas and simply spelling out every number and mathematical symbol as a normal word instead.
  5. Pope John Paul II: A Life Dan Swans (Doubleday, $19.99) Inside the mind of the world’s biggest Sanford And Son fan.

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