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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of February 13, 2013

This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald (Scribner, $8.67) An eloquent and simple novel, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic analyzes the East Egg–West Egg rivalry better than any other piece of literature.
  2. The President Of Vice: The Autobiography Of Joe Biden The Onion (Amazon, $2.99) “Diamond” Joe discusses the formative experiences of his life, including his childhood selling hooch in Scranton, his years cruising college campuses picking up co-eds in a Del Rio, and the grade-A tang he plowed in the summer of ‘87.
  3. The Art Of War Sun Tzu (Simon & Brown, $5.99) While undeniably insightful and intelligent, the book confirms everything you ever suspected about the Chinese: they are crafty and trying to swindle you.
  4. The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire Edward Gibbon (Penguin Classics, $17.00) For a so-called masterpiece concerning a span of several centuries, we seem to be led to believe that just 16 pages focusing on homosexual sex in Rome is enough. 16 pages? Come on, we deserve more than that.
  5. Dreams From My Father Barack Obama (Crown, $25.95) A story so beautifully written and skillfully told that you barely remember the president has a robotic arm.

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