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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of February 13, 2013

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of February 13, 2013

This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald (Scribner, $8.67) An eloquent and simple novel, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic analyzes the East Egg–West Egg rivalry better than any other piece of literature.
  2. The President Of Vice: The Autobiography Of Joe Biden The Onion (Amazon, $2.99) “Diamond” Joe discusses the formative experiences of his life, including his childhood selling hooch in Scranton, his years cruising college campuses picking up co-eds in a Del Rio, and the grade-A tang he plowed in the summer of ‘87.
  3. The Art Of War Sun Tzu (Simon & Brown, $5.99) While undeniably insightful and intelligent, the book confirms everything you ever suspected about the Chinese: they are crafty and trying to swindle you.
  4. The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire Edward Gibbon (Penguin Classics, $17.00) For a so-called masterpiece concerning a span of several centuries, we seem to be led to believe that just 16 pages focusing on homosexual sex in Rome is enough. 16 pages? Come on, we deserve more than that.
  5. Dreams From My Father Barack Obama (Crown, $25.95) A story so beautifully written and skillfully told that you barely remember the president has a robotic arm.

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