adBlockCheck

Entertainment

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
End Of Section
  • More News

Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of January 23, 2013

This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Shadow’s Watch Louis Murphy (Penguin, $29.95) The sequel to Winter’s Fall. Or is it the sequel to Lion’s Game, or maybe Night’s Apprentice? There’s a wizard.
  2. The Catcher In The Rye J.D. Salinger (Back Bay Books, $11.79) This 2013 reissue of the classic novel includes three additional chapters blasting phonies.
  3. The President Of Vice: The Autobiography Of Joe Biden The Onion (Amazon, $2.99) In this tell-all autobiography presented by The Onion, Vice President “Diamond” Joe Biden divulges some of his sweetest guitar riffs, bustiest lays, wildest benders, and sexiest appropriations bills, while also offering up some tricks that will serve you well in the sack.
  4. The Woman With A Hint Of Sexuality Melody Choice (Vintage, $25.49) The erotic tale of a 34-year-old woman who discovers sex isn’t so bad every now and then.
  5. The Kite: Trouble In Bangkok Khaled Hosseini (Riverhead, $15.99) In the first spinoff novel for the wildly popular The Kite character from 2003’s The Kite Runner, a business trip to Thailand takes an exciting turn when The Kite overhears thieves planning a big motorcycle heist.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings