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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of May 28, 2013

This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. Who Did The Thing They Shouldn’t Have Done? James Patterson (Simon & Schuster, $21.99) Detective Francis Diepold is out to solve the case of a crime that shouldn’t have been committed but was anyway.
  2. Pictures Of People Eating Kimchi Jason Park (Little, Brown, $28.99) An elegant coffee table book of people from around the world grimacing after ingesting the Korean delicacy.
  3. The Surf Tunneler Khaled Hosseini, (Riverhead, $26.95) The author of The Kite Runner and Mud Gliders continues his trend of writing thrilling, third-world sports novels.
  4. The Stretched-Out T-Shirt Collar Cleed Wickson, (Bantam $18.00) After one big tug, Frank Haill just ruined his shirt and perhaps his marriage, too.
  5. How To Fold A Flag: 21st Revision Leonard Slattery (Pierson, $12.99) The editors of the How To Fold A Flag series unveil a groundbreaking new variation on the popular Percival method.

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