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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of May 7, 2013

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Details Of Dream House Getting Much Less Specific With Each New Place Found In Price Range

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.

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ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week Of May 7, 2013

This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

  1. The Cabin Behind The Cabin Harriett Miller (Doubleday, $27.99) In this stirring memoir, Miller recounts her childhood growing up in a log cabin next to another, different log cabin.
  2. The Berenstain Bears Drive Down Neighborhood Property Values Stan and Jan Berenstain (Random House, $8.99) After a family of ravenous, 400-pound bears moves into the cul-de-sac, no one can sell their goddamn house.
  3. State Lottery Supersystem Walter ‘Connecticut Slim’ Lester (Cardoza Publishing, $20.00) The lottery pro shares some of his favorite can’t-lose strategies such as “your kids’ birthdays” and “numbers that came to you in a dream.”
  4. Gimme The Pink Ovals On Brown Bread Roger Mitchell (Penguin, $17.95) A list of the different ways you can tell the deli guy you want ham on whole wheat.
  5. Who’s A Good Boy? Benjamin Puckle (Viking, $21.90) It’s the dog.

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