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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Top 5 Best-Selling Books — Week of October 14

 This week's 5 best-selling books as compiled by The Onion Book Review:

The Bible But Without Letters To The Corinthians
(ESV Bibles, $12.99)
All the goodness of the Holy Book without the wordy, blowhard letters to those good-for-nothing Corinthians.

Dr. Sleep
Stephen King (Scribner, $22.99)
Now grown up, Danny, the boy with psycho-intuitive powers in <i>The Shining</i>, helps another child with a spectacular gift: a 2013 Jeep Grand Cherokee.

The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge
The Onion (Little, Brown, $20.00)
The most essential and authoritative  book  ever written in the history  of  human civilization, this august encyclopedia— now available in paperback—features thousands of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet and contains more than 500 tons of information. Must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.

Miles Of Smiles Dental Employee Handbook 
(Miles Of Smiles Dental)
Shorts, tank tops, and open-toe shoes are not permitted.

Lincoln's Hospital Stay
Frank Hopp (Hachette, $17.00)
We all know Lincoln died in a house, but Frank Hopp wonders what would happen if he died in a hospital?

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