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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Top Recruit Tricked Into Committing To Notre Dame

ST. PAUL, MN—One of the most sought-after high school recruits of the year, Sean Harrisson, a 270-pound, 6-foot-2 linebacker, unwittingly signed with Notre Dame after Fighting Irish coach Brian Kelly played a series of mind tricks on the senior. "Wait, I just signed with who?" said a baffled Harrison, whose facial expression turned to shock and horror as he noticed Notre Dame football logos all around him. "Oh my God, no. No no no. See, I couldn't understand what he [Brian Kelly] was saying. He gave me this drink, and things were getting hazier and hazier, and then he kept telling me, 'Do not not say no if you do not want to not play for a top 10 program.' I was so confused, I said no. Wait a minute—I could've sworn he was wearing a Miami Hurricanes hat when he got here." This is not the first case of the Fighting Irish manipulating a youngster into signing with them, as demonstrated by the case of former Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn, who was infamously tricked into attending the school after being told South Bend, IN had a thriving gay nightclub scene.

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