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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Top Suspects In Shooting Of Obnoxious White Sox Catcher AJ Pierzynski

Police are still building their list of initial suspects, a process made more difficult by many of those questions loudly insisting they "wished they killed the loudmouth bastard." Here are some of the most promising leads:

Ron Gardenhire
Accused Pierzynski of attempting to spike Twins first baseman Justin Morneau in 2007; was recently forced to listen to Pierzynski talk about the flames he painted on his car for twenty minutes.

Justin Mansel
The EMT reportedly began berating Pierzynski while responding to the first murder attempt after AJ repeatedly instructed him: "blast this ambo out of here, I'm a two-time all-star."

Dave Weeks
A groundskeeper for the White Sox from 1985-2007, Pierzynski falsely accused Weeks of drinking on the job and got him fired because he "thought it would be funny."

Stephanie Norris
During a 2005 appearance on a TNA Wrestling program, Pierzynski singled Norris out in the crowd and delayed the show with a 20-minute improvised "riff" calling Norris "beat like a dog."

Nick Deves
Has never spoken to Pierzynski, but saw him strutting around in a Chicago-area mall like he was King Shit and would have strangled him right there if he hadn't been with his infant daughter at the time.

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