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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Topeka Mayor Now Highest-Ranking Non-Indicted Republican Official

TOPEKA, KS—As of Tuesday, Topeka mayor William Bunten, 74, is the nation's highest-ranking Republican official not facing indictment or public reprimand. "I have always prided myself on running a clean campaign, a clean office, and cleaning house when necessary," Bunten said. "However, I have no comment on the charges facing my party's leadership, fundraising apparatus, known associates, or advisory staff." Bunten is the highest-ranked non-indicted Republican since 1974, when Hansen County, SD schoolboard secretary Cal Albright was forced to stand in as the president of the United States for two years.

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