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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Topeka Mayor Now Highest-Ranking Non-Indicted Republican Official

TOPEKA, KS—As of Tuesday, Topeka mayor William Bunten, 74, is the nation's highest-ranking Republican official not facing indictment or public reprimand. "I have always prided myself on running a clean campaign, a clean office, and cleaning house when necessary," Bunten said. "However, I have no comment on the charges facing my party's leadership, fundraising apparatus, known associates, or advisory staff." Bunten is the highest-ranked non-indicted Republican since 1974, when Hansen County, SD schoolboard secretary Cal Albright was forced to stand in as the president of the United States for two years.

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