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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.
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Tormented TBS Producer Wonders Why 'Steve Harvey Show' Was First Thing Out Of Mouth During Game 6 Technical Difficulties

ATLANTA—Producer Greg Porto was unable to explain why on earth it occurred to him to air The Steve Harvey Show in place of the ALCS during a router failure at TBS headquarters in Atlanta. "I just—it just came out before I could stop it," said a visibly shaken Porto this past Saturday, wandering out of his building a full four innings before the game ended.

"I've never even seen The Steve Harvey Show. To be honest, I didn't know if we had the rights to it. There was just this moment, this nanosecond of perfect clarity, when I knew that I had to broadcast The Steve Harvey Show to an audience of millions expecting one of the biggest baseball games they had ever seen. I immediately regretted it, of course, but you live with your decisions. Dear God." Porto went on to say that if he had to do it all over again, he definitely would have shown an episode of Tyler Perry's House Of Payne or, at the very least, My Boys.

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