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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Tormented TBS Producer Wonders Why 'Steve Harvey Show' Was First Thing Out Of Mouth During Game 6 Technical Difficulties

ATLANTA—Producer Greg Porto was unable to explain why on earth it occurred to him to air The Steve Harvey Show in place of the ALCS during a router failure at TBS headquarters in Atlanta. "I just—it just came out before I could stop it," said a visibly shaken Porto this past Saturday, wandering out of his building a full four innings before the game ended.

"I've never even seen The Steve Harvey Show. To be honest, I didn't know if we had the rights to it. There was just this moment, this nanosecond of perfect clarity, when I knew that I had to broadcast The Steve Harvey Show to an audience of millions expecting one of the biggest baseball games they had ever seen. I immediately regretted it, of course, but you live with your decisions. Dear God." Porto went on to say that if he had to do it all over again, he definitely would have shown an episode of Tyler Perry's House Of Payne or, at the very least, My Boys.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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