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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Toronto Raptors Sign Unusually Tall Man

TORONTO—Toronto Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo announced Friday that his team had signed 6-foot-11 Slovenian forward Uros Slokar, a man Colangelo called "very tall, especially when you consider the height of a normal human being." "The average height of a Canadian male is 5 feet 10 inches, and as you can see, Uros far exceeds that," an excited Colangelo said. "I think Uros will fit right in with the other uncommonly tall men we have on our team." Colangelo added that exceptional height is the main, and sometimes only, quality he looks for in his basketball players.

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