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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Toronto Raptors Sign Unusually Tall Man

TORONTO—Toronto Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo announced Friday that his team had signed 6-foot-11 Slovenian forward Uros Slokar, a man Colangelo called "very tall, especially when you consider the height of a normal human being." "The average height of a Canadian male is 5 feet 10 inches, and as you can see, Uros far exceeds that," an excited Colangelo said. "I think Uros will fit right in with the other uncommonly tall men we have on our team." Colangelo added that exceptional height is the main, and sometimes only, quality he looks for in his basketball players.

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