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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Torre, Steinbrenner Have Most Awkward Bathroom Encounter Of Their Lives

NEW YORK—The tension and unspoken hostility between Yankees manager Joe Torre and owner George Steinbrenner following the New York Yankees' elimination from the 2007 postseason created the most awkward bathroom encounter yet in their long association, men's room sources reported Monday. "George was already in [the bathroom] standing at the urinal, and when Joe opened the door and saw him, it was as if the room had the air completely sucked out of it," said office manager Derrick Glass, adding that the situation became more uncomfortable when, after realizing all the stalls were occupied, Torre was required to use the urinal next to Steinbrenner's. "They briefly acknowledged one another, but I would call their nods of greeting curt at best." According to Glass, the tension was broken ever so slightly when general manager Brian Cashman entered and attempted to put all present at ease by saying "So, this is awkward."

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