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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Totally Irresponsible Parents Remember To Drop Son Off At Football

CRESTON, IA—Apparently not caring about the 10-year-old’s health or safety at all, local parents Laura and David Turner heedlessly remembered again to drop off their son Jacob at football practice, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Have fun, Jake,” said the negligent father, displaying the same reckless disregard for Jacob’s welfare as with the last 12 times he remembered to bring the child to football practice. “Listen to the coach and just try to do your best out there.” At press time, Jacob had reportedly been stuck there for three whole hours.

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