adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News

Totally Predictable Ending To Wild NCAA Tournament Prepares Student-Athletes For The Rest Of Their Miserable, Ho-Hum Lives

NEW ORLEANS—After the usual exciting upsets, Cinderella stories, and unlikely triumphs that make up the NCAA men's college basketball tournament every March, No. 1 seed Kentucky defeated No. 2 seed Kansas to take the national title Monday, reestablishing the customary order of things and setting student-athletes in the tournament on the proper humdrum course for the rest of their lives. "I was really euphoric there for a few days after we beat Duke," said Lehigh star guard C.J. McCollum, who watched with his teammates in introspective silence as the overdog Wildcats took a commanding lead they never relinquished in their inexorable victory. "But then Xavier beat us, and Baylor beat them, and they lost to Kentucky, and now I just feel, I don't know. I guess this is just the way it goes." The feelings of inevitability, pointlessness, and hopeless futility inspired by Kentucky's victory are expected to serve all tournament participants well in their eventual careers as insurance salesmen, teachers, NBA basketball players, and sportscasters.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close