adBlockCheck

'Totally Worth It,' Claims Grown Man Limping Off Softball Field

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

'Totally Worth It,' Claims Grown Man Limping Off Softball Field

VERONA, WI—Though he knew before his office's team took the field that his aging, out-of-shape body was at risk of physical injury, limping Affiliated Bank loan and trust officer Robert Newson, 48, told reporters Sunday that a muscle-pull, combined with a possible severe knee injury, was "totally worth" the four innings of softball he played prior to removing himself from the game. "Absolutely, 100 percent worth it," said Newson, who refused to accept his physical limitations during the game by trying to stretch singles into doubles and throwing himself to the dirt to chase moderately fast ground balls. "Completely worth it, no question. Grace? I think we might have to go to the hospital after all." Newson later claimed it was the most worthwhile injury he had suffered since his crippling chest pains in last year's game against the Bank of Cross Plains.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close