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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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'Totally Worth It,' Claims Grown Man Limping Off Softball Field

VERONA, WI—Though he knew before his office's team took the field that his aging, out-of-shape body was at risk of physical injury, limping Affiliated Bank loan and trust officer Robert Newson, 48, told reporters Sunday that a muscle-pull, combined with a possible severe knee injury, was "totally worth" the four innings of softball he played prior to removing himself from the game. "Absolutely, 100 percent worth it," said Newson, who refused to accept his physical limitations during the game by trying to stretch singles into doubles and throwing himself to the dirt to chase moderately fast ground balls. "Completely worth it, no question. Grace? I think we might have to go to the hospital after all." Newson later claimed it was the most worthwhile injury he had suffered since his crippling chest pains in last year's game against the Bank of Cross Plains.

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