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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Tour De France Cyclists Make It Past Dreaded Underwater Stage

FRANCE—Luxembourger Frank Schleck, a rider with the CSC team, emerged from the 182-kilometer underwater tunnel stage Monday triumphantly clad in a soaked yellow jersey after braving electric seaweed, underwater volcanoes, cyclist-trapping bubble fountains, carnivorous plants, man-eating fish, and electric eels. "These stages are always a pain," said a visually exhausted Schleck, who went on to complain about the stage's lack of turbo zones and power-ups. "I don't see why we have to go underwater instead of riding through the Pyrenees... It was an aerobic challenge to hold our breath for that long. By the end of it, I only had one life left." The International Cycling Union says next year's Tour will skip the underwater stage as well as the lava stage, ice stage, and the stage where the riders are shrunk to the size of ants and ride the equivalent of 120 miles through a candy store.

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