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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Tour De France Enters Stage Where Officials Begin Building PED Case Against Eventual Winner

CHORGES, FRANCE—With the grueling mountain stages now finished, excitement surrounding the Tour de France reached a fever pitch on Wednesday as cyclists began the eighteenth leg of the race, also known as the doping-officials-begin-gathering-evidence-to-prove-that-the-eventual-champion-used-performance-enhancing-drugs stage. “Chris Froome’s strong showing during the time trial stages has given him a commanding lead, but will that prepare him for the very tricky steroid-allegation phase of the race?” said commentator Phil Liggett, explaining that over the next few days, the field of over 100 cycling officials will scrutinize Froome’s performance in search of proof that he is guilty of doping. “Froome knows this is a treacherous stage where many talented riders—including his rival Alberto Contador—have faltered in the past, so he’ll need to be careful and watch out for a late push by the U.K. Anti-Doping Agency to prove his guilt and strip him of his victory.” Following the conclusion of the eighteenth leg, the Tour de France will reportedly move on to the everybody-ignores-the-sport-of-cycling stage.

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