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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Tour De France Enters Stage Where Officials Begin Building PED Case Against Eventual Winner

CHORGES, FRANCE—With the grueling mountain stages now finished, excitement surrounding the Tour de France reached a fever pitch on Wednesday as cyclists began the eighteenth leg of the race, also known as the doping-officials-begin-gathering-evidence-to-prove-that-the-eventual-champion-used-performance-enhancing-drugs stage. “Chris Froome’s strong showing during the time trial stages has given him a commanding lead, but will that prepare him for the very tricky steroid-allegation phase of the race?” said commentator Phil Liggett, explaining that over the next few days, the field of over 100 cycling officials will scrutinize Froome’s performance in search of proof that he is guilty of doping. “Froome knows this is a treacherous stage where many talented riders—including his rival Alberto Contador—have faltered in the past, so he’ll need to be careful and watch out for a late push by the U.K. Anti-Doping Agency to prove his guilt and strip him of his victory.” Following the conclusion of the eighteenth leg, the Tour de France will reportedly move on to the everybody-ignores-the-sport-of-cycling stage.

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