adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tourist Experiences City By Buying Used CDs

CHARLESTON, SC—Tourist Alex Pratt decided to "get the feel" of the historic South Carolina port city of Charleston by making the rounds of its local used-CD stores Tuesday. "I found a Marshall Crenshaw CD I didn't have, and really lucked out on The Feelies' The Good Earth—I haven't seen that in years," said Pratt, who has also shopped for music in Boston, San Francisco, Gettysburg, PA, and Kansas City. "I like this place. It's a lot like my regular used-CD shop back in Chicago." Foregoing a ferry-ride to nearby Fort Sumter, Pratt said he intended to spend the remainder of the afternoon peeling the protective plastic off the CD cases and enjoying a sandwich from a local Subway restaurant.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close