adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tourists Not Leaving Landmark Until All Permutations Of Groups And Cameras Exhausted

KEYSTONE, SD—Less than eight minutes after arriving at the famed attraction, a group of tourists visiting the Mount Rushmore National Memorial has made it clear they will not leave until at least one photo of every possible combination of people has been taken by every available camera, sources reported today. "Okay, now Sue, Kyle, Rick, Boyd, James, the dog, and the twins," sightseer Paula Thorpe, 42, was overheard saying while taking the group's 372nd photograph of the day with one of the six cameras on her person. "All right, now just the girls and Tim." At press time, the tourists were trying to convince a nearby German tourist to take 75 pictures of them all together.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close