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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Tournament Bass Refuses To Talk To Reporters After Tough Day Getting Caught

LEWISVILLE, TX—A 7-pound, 18-inch largemouth bass bypassed reporters and went straight back into the water Saturday following a demoralizing defeat at the Bassmaster Lake Lewisville Shootout. "This is a fish who prides himself on going out to that weed bed every day and eluding anglers, and you could see the disgust on his face," Bassmaster official Travis Hessman said. "There's no answer for how a bass who has been doing this for so long could get hooked on such a shoddy crankbait, and that's something he'll just have to live with until the next tournament." Hessman added that the bass would be fined $30,000 for failing to fulfill his media obligations.

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