Tournament Bass Refuses To Talk To Reporters After Tough Day Getting Caught

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Vol 46 Issue 47

NBA Ref Accidentally Calls Offsides

SALT LAKE CITY—With 4.3 seconds left on the clock and the Jazz about to inbound the ball, NBA referee Ed Malloy whistled play dead and accidentally called the visiting Bucks for offsides Monday.

Bud Selig Name-Drops Willie Mays At Party

ORLANDO, FL—While attending a recent party following one of Major League Baseball's winter meetings Monday, Commissioner Bug Selig mentioned Hall of Fame outfielder Willie Mays repeatedly throughout the night, recounting numerous anecdotes of meetin...

Enchanting Evening Spent With Parents, Friends Of Parents

LANSDALE, PA—According to delighted reports, 25-year-old Brian Hatcher spent a most exquisite Saturday evening in the enchanting company of not only his parents, Mike, 54, and Diane, 53, but also their dear friends and longtime canasta partners Doug and Trudy Blanchard, both 53.

Barry Sanders

Perhaps the most electrifying running back of all time, Barry Sanders walked away from the game in 1999 to backpack across Europe. Was he any good?
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Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

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Tournament Bass Refuses To Talk To Reporters After Tough Day Getting Caught

LEWISVILLE, TX—A 7-pound, 18-inch largemouth bass bypassed reporters and went straight back into the water Saturday following a demoralizing defeat at the Bassmaster Lake Lewisville Shootout. "This is a fish who prides himself on going out to that weed bed every day and eluding anglers, and you could see the disgust on his face," Bassmaster official Travis Hessman said. "There's no answer for how a bass who has been doing this for so long could get hooked on such a shoddy crankbait, and that's something he'll just have to live with until the next tournament." Hessman added that the bass would be fined $30,000 for failing to fulfill his media obligations.

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